I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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