But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
handjob tips. give me some.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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