My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
