don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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