I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
