i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
