We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
