Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
