He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
