you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize