Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
