see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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