So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
