We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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