Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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