Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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