Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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