ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
