I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
