Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
