I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
