i was born a porn star she said
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
