I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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