So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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