Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
