omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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