i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
