We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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