I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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