and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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