She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize