I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
