I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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