So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I supernannyed him into submission
FUCK WHALES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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