i think i have herpe
just one?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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