96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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