It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
