god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
