the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
