how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize