Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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