i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
