i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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