living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
