I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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