and she was petting her beer can
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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