yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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