why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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