I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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