I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
