Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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