She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
