i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
