All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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