we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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