What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
