Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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