I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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