I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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