I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
