He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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