I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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