Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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