I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
