The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
