That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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