He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
