he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
