eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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